Ego in check

I am going back into the studio on Saturday to work on another song. I did Wrap It Up last week and I thought I did a fairly good job on the vocals. Somethings needed to be tweaked. It's starting to come together and I'm really excited about it.

Today I lost my cookies because I haven't been putting my music first. I did last week and this week I'm putting together this talent show with 80 kids in it. I thought I'd be able to work my music and the talent show together but it's not working so well. I have to be more disciplined. I got angry at some crap going on in the school and almost got caught up into it when a little voice told me - this is familiar.

My little head is playing games again. Let's go over here and tackle this. You can get to your stuff tomorrow. What is up with that? Clarity. I'm not going down that road again. I have a mission. I will be performing at LA Pride this June. I'll be selling merchandise. I'll have booked the Pride circuit and will be making a living doing what I love. I will not turn on myself.

The ego is funny thing. It had my panties all in a bunch today. I sent an email I shouldn't have sent and copied it to people who really didn't need to read it. I wanted to make some people pay for pissing me off, hurting my feelings and being douche bags. I was having conversations, playing out scenarios in my head that didn't need to played out. I should have been strategizing on my wardrobe or my music. It was an all too familiar place. Smells like self-sabotage.

What I love is that I'm open and teachable. I've let people get to know me so they call me out when I start actin' a fool. A friend of mine came and sat down next to me, smiling and searching for the right way to say - it's your ego again silly. Suddenly the tension went out of my body and I started laughing. She's right. So now I get to make amends for creating chaos and get my mind back on my music and my music back on my mind.