I Choose to Love Myself

I haven't been blogging because I've been super busy but I need to get back in the habit of writing what's going on. I feel like this is an important time in my life.

I've booked the San Francisco Pride Mainstage. I'll be performing on Sunday, June 27th. I feel like I was finally validated - someone saw my talent and gave me an opportunity to shine. LA Pride - not so much. I guess you can't have me and Kelis on the same stage. I'm positive the Universe has a plan for me and this is better than what I would have planned.

What I've been dealing with is showing up for myself. I'm scared and I don't know what's going to happen. I know the greatness inside of me. I've been taught over the last five years to surrender to the powers that be. Standing up for myself and not sabotaging my opportunity is my priority.

I'm dealing with messy people right now. People that lie, spin tales and play games. People that I'm not even sure are sober and you know what? It doesn't matter. This is my life. I can't leave it up to someone else to make it happen for me. I have to have conversations I don't want to have. I have to do things that I don't want to do. It's because I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I want to go to it. I want to live my dreams. I want to shine not shrink.

So I choose to love myself. I choose to be the best I can be. I'm not doing everything I can right now but I'm doing the best I can. I have this kids show that I'm doing and it's over next Friday. I swear on my mother, some of these kids need a beat down. I think I've been around too long to remember what it was like to be in elementary school. I think there is something really wrong with the way kids treat adults. Nobody says please, thank you. It's very disturbing. They look at you like your crazy when you say things like "respect and listen." Sometimes I feel like a failure but there are those kids that are so talented, open and present that it doesn't feel like a total loss. I'm pretty sure I will not do this again and if I do - I'm gonna choose the kids I want to work with. I have a lot to offer and I don't like wasting my gifts on people that don't appreciate it.

I am weary but focused. I am scared but driven. I am showing up and taking my HP with me. I don't know what's going to happen but I'm going to give it everything I've got right now.