It's All In The Tone

Tone. It can make you or break you.

My producer called me up after I had blogged last week about expressing creative differences. My heart was in my throat. I thought he was going to be mad. What's up with that? Turned out, he had not even read the blog as I sat there stumbling for the "right" words to explain what had happened was. He read it later and said jokingly - man, I'm never gonna get work now. That tone kept things light and open.

See, we are still in discovery mode. It's like we are dancing and trying to find each others rhythm. He's damn good at what he does and puts things into perspective for me. Me, I know stuff, have great instincts, raw talent but I get lost in translation due to majoring in journalism in college rather than music. Anyway, that's a "If My Scars Could Talk," moment. It's my tone he says. Ahha. My voice didn't marry the music explanation is about tone. Now I know the technical term for what I was feeling. With knowledge comes power.

He said I sounded uncomfortable and it was difficult to find a take where I really owned the lyrics. Truth is, I was uncomfortable. I have to get real with having issues owning my sex appeal. I've been hiding so long under faux soccer mom clothes that I've kinda' lost the connection to that fiercely sexy woman I used to be. I also haven't had an elixir to bring Mrs. Thang out for nearly five years. I have a kid. I work with elementary kids so you have to dress and act a certain way. It's very vanilla. As a survivor of sexual abuse - I've had to work on deleting the message in my head that said to be sexy, means I'll be hurt. It's been very hard to integrate that part of me back into my every day life. I'm working on it. I'm not a child anymore. I have a voice. There is power in that voice and within me. I need to own all of me and quite frankly - I want to. Time to stop playing it safe.

The music I'm working on right now fits my tone better. It moves me. I like to have fun, dance and all that but I really connect to lyrics that are spiritually empowering. These two songs that I'm about to record move me. This one song called "Wrap It Up," has just captured a sista'. The music is emotional. It's rock and soul. The sound is more me than anything I've done. I can't wait to get into the studio this weekend.

It's exciting to be reaching beyond my comfort zone again. I really like the fact that I'm not sabotaging myself right now. I've finished putting my website information together. I'm going through my drawers this week to give clothes away that I'm not sure anyone will want to wear. I've been rehearsing every day because I am choosing to set the tone for my career, for my spirit. The Grammy's are this week. I want to be there next year. I've had this acceptance speech written since I was a kid. Of course, it's changed over the years but one day I will deliver it. I believe that if I keep my eye on the prize, there is no reason why I won't.