8 days . . .

I don't know whether it was the big, full moon I couldn't see because of the damn clouds or if I'm really getting back in touch with my spiritual essence. I said some things today while I was rehearsing for this show that resonated so clearly with me. It just felt right. It gave me goosebumps.

I said I wanted to prove to myself and show that person that told me I was going to worthless, like my father, that this is my home. I belong on the big stage and I am destined for greatness. I cried a little bit because I've spent my life living for other people's love and approval. I let a few people take me on a path that wasn't mine to be on. While I don't regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, I would have done things differently given the opportunity.

Today, I'm really grateful. I realized it's not my story anymore. I can look at myself in the mirror and feel true joy when I'm singing again. I felt that essence, fleeting as it was, last night and tonight. It's really about having faith and letting go. Of course, it's about practicing. You just can't show up and say, "Hey Spirit of the Universe, make it happen." You have to do the work. I feel like I'm doing the work and it's paying off.

I asked myself what made me different from all the other contestants. I laughed. I looked at myself in the mirror and started spewing some bullshit at first. I ignored my instinct that said to say "I am Christina Simos. There is no one out there like me. Thank God. Lol. Because we'd all be in trouble." I went back to it and I added that it was my chops, my hair, my ass, my spirit and my "No matter what, I don't give up," attitude that sets me apart from the other contestants. I changed ass to derriere because it's more PC.

All in all, I felt like I got it today. The very essence of my DNA was created for the stage. No one can or will deny me that anymore. I asked myself a question I had heard Simon ask on the XFactor UK. Why haven't you made it?

"Honestly, someone I loved told me that only special people make it in this business and I should find another path to follow. Something inside my broke and I followed a path that wasn't mine. I was very accomplished but dead inside. By the time I got back on the path my DNA had clearly written for me, I found myself pregnant. I set everything aside to be the best mom I could to my son. Now it's time to be an example to him, myself and others that if it is to be, it will be. You keep doing the work and no matter what, you don't give up. You either die doing what you love or you die. (I just added that one for humor) Lol."

I'm on a mission. Great things are going to happen for me. It's going to inspire many as I find my authentic self on this next journey. Mark my words.

I am a force to be reckoned with.